Mentally Preparing For Your Transition

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

As a cadet, I confidently thought “When I get to a platoon, I will for sure know how to be a great platoon leader right from the start and everything will work swimmingly.”

(Insert cackling laughter of my NCOs)

Prior to my first deployment, I was sure that the moment I landed in theatre I would know exactly what to do at all times and the switch would turn on, transitioning me from a garrison chump to a grizzled combat vet. 

(Insert story of going on the first patrol and mostly just feeling jet-lagged and tired as hell.)

Luckily, when it came time to my transition out of the military, I was a little older and wiser. But I still could not help but feel like “Oh, when I pick up that DD-214 I will have fully shed my identity as a soldier and the clouds will part and the great wisdom of the ages will pour down on me and I will be fully ready to enter the civilian world.”

*Spoiler alert*

That didn’t happen. 

We always want to think that when we get somewhere that we will automatically know what to do. We expect that in the anticipated moment, everything will make sense and we will have clarity of though like never before. 

Humans are generally smart, but damn we are stupid sometimes. Shit like that never happens. 

One of the major principles we always trained under in the military was that you would not rise to the level of your expectations, but that you would fall to the level of your preparedness. 

To be a good soldier, you have to train. You have to go to the range. You have to work with your equipment and get to know the people in your unit. That takes time and effort. 

Your transition out of the military is the same way. It will take time and effort, and that is something that only you can do. 

You will need to put in the time to go to the classes, attend the workshops, watch the webinars, take the online classes, and work on your resume. Unlike the rest of the time in the military, where these actions are prescribed to you and you are told exactly what to do, this will not be the case when you leave. You and you alone will be responsible for this. 

Look, it’s easy to blame the military on this one. But come on, funding transition classes for people leaving the military should probably not be a top funding priority. I’d rather that money go back into training to help prepare people for war. 

If you haven’t already gone through any of the transition classes, you will soon realize that they are lacking. I will say that I was actually pleasantly surprised during some of my classes. I was expecting them to be worth a huge steaming pile of dog shit, and so was surprised when I actually learned a few things. 

There a lot of forces in the world that want to tell you you’re a victim. 

“Oh, you deployed to an unjust war. You’ve been damaged and we want to help.”

“You didn’t know any better when you joined the military. You were young and stupid.”

“You are a vet? Great! We want to help to try and make ourselves feel better.”

I don’t know about you all, but my training regimen didn’t have me thinking of myself as a victim. 

Screw that. Take ownership and go and show the world what you can do. 

Most of what I will share on this blog will be resources and programs that can help you crush it in your transition. 

Most importantly is your mindset. You have to mentally prepare yourself for the transition that is happening in your life. 

How then, can you do this?

Tell people you are getting out. 

I noticed a huge difference in myself when I started admitting to everyone that I was planning to leave the military. Prior to that, I had sat in a few counseling sessions with my commander and gave them the party line about what my next career plans were in the military, all while fully knowing that at that time I was planning on leaving. 

Look, I get it. No one wants to tell their boss that they are leaving and then get thrown in a dark staff hole, only allowed out to brief MDMP slides before being buried back underneath maintenance trackers, FLIPLS, and extra staff duties. 

I can’t tell you how to treat your personal situation within your unit and your command. That is something you will have to determine on your own. But I realize that can be a constraint in how forthcoming you are with your own personal plans to leave.

But after I started telling people I was going to leave, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It just felt more honest. And it truly helped me start to mentally transition by allowing me to fully commit to getting out of the military. No longer was I lying through my teeth or starting to think, “You know what, maybe I WILL take that staff job I told the commander I wanted?”

No. I knew I was leaving. And being open with that started making it easier for me to start thinking about life after the military. 

Be ready to receive, listen, and learn.

I think we all know that the best leaders are people who are willing to listen and are comfortable not knowing everything. They can accept the fact that they may not have all the answers, but know that someone within their organization either knows or has the tools to find the answer. 

With how often we changed jobs in the military, there could often be a dynamic where people always felt like they had to know everything. We would start a new position and were expected to immediately start performing, and the pressure from those expectations (unfortunately often coupled with a desire for a good evaluation) often led people to just start making demands, without taking the time to try and understand more about their job. Likely, we all experienced this frustration at some point. 

Your transition from the military will not succeed unless you are willing to receive the advice of others, listen to the experiences people have been through, and make the effort to learn. 

Capture your learning.

I will fully admit that this blog is part of my own process to capture the lessons I learned in the military and during my own transition. I happen to like to write (I was an English major) and so the writing process helps me think and process my own thoughts about leaving and my own next steps out of the military. 

There are a few tools you can use to keep track of everything you are learning during your transition process:

• Evernote is a great tool to use to keep you organized. While there are some other similar tools and services out there, I have found Evernote to be the easiest one to use and navigate. With this tool, you can quickly clip things that you find on the web and email ideas to your Evernote (I email myself ideas and thoughts all the time when I’m on the go, and the process them later when I can sit and think on them.)
• Use a journal. There are about a gazillion articles out there on the interwebs that can point you in a good direction to get started journaling. If you really don’t like the idea of writing in a journal every day, I recommend you think about having a transition journal, where you at least write out thoughts, ideas, and things you learned. This can be a good place to write thoughts and quick notes when you aren’t on a device to access Evernote. 

Make time to be reflective.

I know. This sounds “touchy-feely.” I’m not busting out the lavender oils and Himalayan salt lamps…YET. So relax.

But seriously, you have to spend some time figuring out what the hell you want to do after you leave. 

To start, I would highly recommend listening to this podcast episode of the Tim Ferriss Show with Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. First, Tim and Greg discuss some great frameworks to help you think about your life and what is important to you. This can be a useful place to help you start thinking about what you want to do after the uniform. 

Greg and Tim also riff on planning time to go away and think about your future and your life. He and his wife go away for a weekend every few months to evaluate how things are going in their lives and what they want to improve. 

Maybe your planning session doesn’t involve a trip. Maybe it’s just dinner. Or a walk around the neighborhood, or a long car drive. Whatever it is, you want to be deliberate. Identify the time and think, “Ok, this is when I am going to think about what I am doing after the military.”

I’ll keep providing resources and articles, but you have to help yourself enter with a mind ready for the transition that is happening in your life. Whether you’ve been in for 2 or 20, getting out of the military is a major event in your life. To be prepared and start killing it outside of the uniform, start building your mind to prepare for the journey. 

Related:

You’re a Vet? Great. No one Owes You Shit.

Top 10 Career Change Books on Amazon

Applying for VA Benefits (The Basics).